Once again it has come around to that time of year, the dreaded "C" word, Christmas. As is usual I along with all peers, are on christmas holiday, unfortunately because i have january exams i have to revise this christmas.
However it hasn't been all bad as christmas camp went fairly well last weekend and i received gold colours for drama.
Unlike me I did not get around to making anybody christmas cards this year, so if i haven't sent you a personal message or told you in person , have a merry Christmas
As those of you who read my blog will know that i am struggling with my inner demons, mainly cowardice and loneliness the first i may be able to sort soon, however it is unlikely and the latter is dependant on the first
Oh well, what will be, will be :(
anyway see you all soon
Merry Christmas
Matthew
PS next entry will probably be longer
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Sunday, 11 December 2011
I am a Coward
Admitting that I am, may be the first step to overcoming my problems.However, I know that I am yet I can do nothing to try and stop myself being scared or build up the courage and man up. I understand that everybody has the same fear some time in their lives and eventually most will "grow a pair and man up" as a friend of mine said earlier in the week, however i feel that i may forever be "the lonely one in the corner". Does anyone know of any ways to tell if somebody reciprocates a particular feeling about them ?
On to other matters in my life. Such as school, school, is doing ok at the moment however I do need to pick up my grades a bit and do a lot of revision for the January modules, especially maths and to a lesser extent theatre studies, seeing as I didn't do very well in C1 mock exam despite the 70% in my chapter 1-5 exam, with drama, I need to write up my notes on both "As you like it" and "The woman in black". Additionally i need to do more practice essays as unfortunately i only seem to be getting about 60-70% in the ones i do. My chemistry is going well, as is my physics, and i don't even have a January module in it, brilliant, i know.
The school play is finished, over and done; as such life in the wardrobe department can start to go back to normal, except Mr Cooper is doing something in January and the house plays are coming up in march, not to mention the "Park School Panto". Over all the costumes went fairly well as did the play as a whole, next year we are hoping that it will be easier with it being a musical, therefore, there will no dreaded exiled courtiers or similar, hopefully.
During the last week I have attended what will be my last rowing session with Martin, however i may be able to attend the Christmas party on the 8th of January, and the night before that I went to London and say the amazingly scary "The woman in black" performed at the haunted fortune theatre near Covent garden, I was sitting at the back of the stalls on the left hand hand side from the performer's perspective, and I was scared out of my wits, even though i was seated in between Neil and Alice.
Next week, shall see me returning to Oxford uni for another lecture, this time by my auntie once removed, Jocelyn Bell Burnell and the explorer's Christmas party as well as the last week of school before Christmas. At the weekend is the high ash Christmas camp, where as per usual i shall be in charge of a lot of excitable hyper 8-14 year olds. The plan is to run a "boil a billy" base between my brother and myself, or if it is too cold and wet teaching them how to play Texas hold 'em, we have yet to run the second idea by the rest of the leaders
Hopefully buy this week my life will have sorted out myself a bit more, if I am lucky I will have mustered up the courage to ask the person the question that i have wanted to ask for months, and will longer have a reason to cry myself to sleep sometimes, and even if that doesn't happen or it doesn't work out the way I would like it to then we should have at least got around to getting out our advent calender
See you all soon
Love
Matthew
On to other matters in my life. Such as school, school, is doing ok at the moment however I do need to pick up my grades a bit and do a lot of revision for the January modules, especially maths and to a lesser extent theatre studies, seeing as I didn't do very well in C1 mock exam despite the 70% in my chapter 1-5 exam, with drama, I need to write up my notes on both "As you like it" and "The woman in black". Additionally i need to do more practice essays as unfortunately i only seem to be getting about 60-70% in the ones i do. My chemistry is going well, as is my physics, and i don't even have a January module in it, brilliant, i know.
The school play is finished, over and done; as such life in the wardrobe department can start to go back to normal, except Mr Cooper is doing something in January and the house plays are coming up in march, not to mention the "Park School Panto". Over all the costumes went fairly well as did the play as a whole, next year we are hoping that it will be easier with it being a musical, therefore, there will no dreaded exiled courtiers or similar, hopefully.
During the last week I have attended what will be my last rowing session with Martin, however i may be able to attend the Christmas party on the 8th of January, and the night before that I went to London and say the amazingly scary "The woman in black" performed at the haunted fortune theatre near Covent garden, I was sitting at the back of the stalls on the left hand hand side from the performer's perspective, and I was scared out of my wits, even though i was seated in between Neil and Alice.
Next week, shall see me returning to Oxford uni for another lecture, this time by my auntie once removed, Jocelyn Bell Burnell and the explorer's Christmas party as well as the last week of school before Christmas. At the weekend is the high ash Christmas camp, where as per usual i shall be in charge of a lot of excitable hyper 8-14 year olds. The plan is to run a "boil a billy" base between my brother and myself, or if it is too cold and wet teaching them how to play Texas hold 'em, we have yet to run the second idea by the rest of the leaders
Hopefully buy this week my life will have sorted out myself a bit more, if I am lucky I will have mustered up the courage to ask the person the question that i have wanted to ask for months, and will longer have a reason to cry myself to sleep sometimes, and even if that doesn't happen or it doesn't work out the way I would like it to then we should have at least got around to getting out our advent calender
See you all soon
Love
Matthew
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