"All you have between you and 'The dark' is Bear"
Helen Thompson
The past few days have not gone well for me, not well at all, and as a result i have returned to my bear because it is one of the small pieces of comfort and stability i have left.
As this was the last week before the half-term holidays and valentines day I had decided that i would ask the person I like out, initially, on Tuesday I think, I asked her if she would like to see the woman in black with me sometime in the holidays, seeing as we had both seen the stage play in December together I thought it might work. She declined, saying that it was too scary. That put me out a bit, however it was a valid reason and as such i decided I would ask her again, I just had to wait for a chance when we were relatively alone together to ask her. Days passed and my chance still hadn't occurred, so on Thursday evening I decided that I would go all out to ask her on Friday, I got out my new suit, polished my shoes, sorted out my bow tie, and had an early night in order to help steady my nerves. My chance came at lunch time as we both went up to the library to do homework and we both sat at the table facing the window, down the side away from others. We both got out some homework and preceded as normal, occasionally asking each other for help on a question we were stuck with. That continued for about twenty minutes to half an hour all the while i was trying come up with the courage to ask. Eventually I got there and spoke her name (there was no backing out at this stage) she replied yes and I asked her, "Would you go out with me please?" .There was a second or two of silence before she answered, each seeming like an eternity with my heart pounding in my chest, as fast as if i had sprinted the length of the school field. "No" the bottom fell out of my heart and it filled up with despair, after a second or so, she continued "I'm sorry that sounded a bit harsh but, No" the despair continued to fill the cavity I felt.
And so we sat there for the rest of lunch in silence continuing our homework, neither speaking to other very much. I don't know what was going through her head, but through mine were many thoughts asking what was the point of asking as I had always known it would be that way because I am fated to forever alone, my sadness deepening. At the end of lunch she left and i wished her a happy holiday and stayed where I was even when a group of my friends who I also shared a free period with asked my to sit with them, I just wasn't in the mood for people at all. This mood continued for most of the free period until i decided in the last five minutes that I would go say hello to my friends. She was there which resulted in a little bit of an awkward silence between her and myself that a couple of my friends' picked up on, and then we all continued to our last lesson of the half term.
Later that evening I attended the district explorer shooting competition, but at the start we built a couple of bonfires, while snapping wood for the fire I stood on a nail and I went through my shoe into my foot, luckily it missed the middle of my foot instead catching the inside edge. I half walked, half limped my way back up to the building where some of the leaders were, removed my shoe and sock, saw that it was bleeding and asked if they had a plaster or something, Sharon refused, stating "you knew we were at the quarries you should have worn proper shoes" to witch i replied, I came for a shooting competition.
tesco is open 24/7" he then said sort out out amongst your selves so I have decided to but a small packet of sweets a quarter of the price of the box of chocolates and then charge the receipt to explorers.
It is as I went to bed and fell asleep that my emotions hit me hardest, and the depression returned from earlier, driving me to find the only one I can truly depend on, Old Bear.
It is as I went to bed and fell asleep that my emotions hit me hardest, and the depression returned from earlier, driving me to find the only one I can truly depend on, Old Bear.
The next day I had my London 3 pokémon tournament, my dad gave me £30 for the train and so on, I got on the 8.27 to Euston, took the northern line and changed to the Piccadilly line, where i ended up going the wrong way, so I had to backtrack. Eventually I ended up at the London Trocadero centre where i signed up, I then begged a focus sash from people eventually getting one, I ended up in the top 32 which isn't bad considering the number of world class players that were there, I also came top 8 in the retro tournament held on pokémon stadium 1, We then went for dinner in "Wong Kei" restaurant in Chinatown, which i found very nice and very cheap, afterwards i went home on the train only to find that when I reached the bus stop it would be a half and hour wait in temperatures well below freezing, and so I walked all the way home from the train station in a little under forty minutes, meeting my brother en route on his way back from his girlfriend's.
Anyway I got home and went to bed, yet once again the feeling of loneliness and worthlessness returned and for a second night in a row I cried myself to sleep hugging Old Bear.
Matthew
Gibbo, I promise I wrote on here earlier hmmm I was basically saying smile mr. good-writer because you'll find someone else, I'm sure you will so go back out there and get fishing ;) lollllll HH xx
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